holes and oceans

I absolutely love it here. I'm in Colorado Springs, working in a Castle, living with 30 beautiful college students from 8 different countries, and I'm happy. But whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I feel my heart throbbing. There is something deeper, it feels a bit like pain or sadness. I didn't think I could explain it even if I wanted to.

But yesterday, I had one on one time with my team leader, Heather, and as I was telling her about this part of my heart. All of a sudden God made it very clear what He is doing in me. He is digging a hole. He's making more room to fill me with more of who He is. He is deepening me- so that my excitement and emotionalism for Him and for others would become the deepest of all Love- everlasting and steadfast. He's digging, He's removing, and it hurts. But I know He's removing my dirt, only to fill up the hole with His living water.

And you know, as I was walking up to the house today, looking up at the clouds and my hair being blown by the wind, "What do I know of Holy" by Addison Road was on my lips. As I sang, God once again made it remarkably clear; I asked for this. I asked for Him to dig this hole. The song says "Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your ocean?" Oswald Chambers had said that we must cut the rope that holds us to the dock in the harbor, and let God take us out into the depths of His ocean by His waves. I prayed that He would take me out by His waves. I want this. And with all my heart, I need it. And praise the LORD, He's doing it.